


this sickness will save us

by starrylitme



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Dangan Ronpa 3: The End of 希望ヶ峰学園 | The End of Kibougamine Gakuen | End of Hope's Peak High School, Dangan Ronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Altered Mental States, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Attraction, Captivity, Childhood Trauma, Complicated Relationships, Consent Issues, Creepy Fluff, Disturbing Themes, Dubious Ethics, Dubious Morality, Idealism, Implied/Referenced Torture, KamuKoma Week 2018, Love/Hate, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Mental Instability, Mild Sexual Content, Non-Consensual Bondage, Non-Sexual Bondage, Panic Attacks, Past Brainwashing, Possessive Behavior, Sensuality, Suggestive Themes, Touchy-Feely, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unhealthy Relationships, Yandere
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-26
Updated: 2018-07-26
Packaged: 2019-06-16 13:40:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15438231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starrylitme/pseuds/starrylitme
Summary: “Do you really not understand? Can you really not see it? This world, this hope will crumble. It is fickle. Unreliable. But the bond between soulmates is absolute, is it not?”“There’s no way something like this would be enough, so...”“Will that make you happy?”“I can’t deny that seeing you has made the world so much more beautiful. And so much crueler. That’s poetic, isn’t it?”...can wretched beings truly be happy...?(DR3 Despair Arc Soulmate AU in which Kamukura finds his soulmate just behind the trigger and snatches him away to keep him safe from Enoshima Junko's ensuing plans. But his soulmate is stubborn to a troubling extent, discontent to sit back safe and sound as the world is about to crumble. Kamukura is left with a dilemma between keeping his soulmate safe and making his soulmate happy even if it means having to confront and go against two people he wants nothing to do with.)Please mind the tags.





	this sickness will save us

**Author's Note:**

> Well this is awkward. I didn't actually think I would write this out and it went...some interesting directions. Partially because I didn't want to go too dark with this since it's gonna be submitted to the fanweek I'm hosting and I should be a better example, but... It's still pretty dark and unsettling stuff.
> 
> It all falls into a pretty dark gray area with darker splotches here and there to be sure. Yeah don't read this if you hate shit that's super dubious because this is super, super dubious shit. I tried to balance it a little but it's still far from a remotely balanced and healthy relationship. Mm...
> 
> I'm into the idea of a "love" that both consumes and "saves" a person and I really like twisting stuff like soulmate aus since there are implied ideals there that...already kinda strike me as a little twisted. This AU in particular is one where you see in black and white until you meet the eyes of your soulmate, which when that happens, the world blooms into full color.
> 
> You can kinda see why I wanted to have that prompt for that particular moment in episode 8 of zhen, ehe. But this fic completely derails from canon in what happens immediately after in episode 9. Because reasons. You'll have to read.
> 
> There's a lot to talk about here, honestly, because...well there's a lot of words. And a lot of feelings. And a lot of me just not really thinking about what the hell I'm doing. But rather than babble on in some author's note in the beginning that might just get skipped over, I'll stop here. If you do read through it, I'd like to hear your thoughts.
> 
> I forgot to mention this is my 100th fic posted! Yaaaaay three digits! Oh my fucking god three digits.

It would have been boring to just let her get shot.

~~But she didn’t deserve to live. She didn’t even deserve to exist.~~

If she died, he wouldn’t have anywhere else to go.

~~And whose fault is that? It’s hers. ** _Hers_**.~~

It would be more beneficial to keep her alive. If she died now, Hope’s Peak Academy could so easily cover all of this and the revolts would be little more than a dent that could get straightened out overtime.

~~They all deserved to burn.~~

“It’s for the sake of hope.”

She had a wretched smile on her face in response to those words. In a world that was only ever monochrome, that wretched smile looked all the darker.

And yet, he still acted.

Ultimate Luck, still holding the gun, senses his presence and practically jerks to see him. Ultimate Gamer, too, seems surprised by his presence.

It’s so _boring_ —until his eyes met with those of the Ultimate Luck.

In that moment, color blossomed and bloomed in all the poetic ways he had recited for the scientists. It was indescribable, it was overwhelming, and it was _something_. Something in all this time of _nothing_.

“Y...You’re...!”

Ultimate Luck, with those striking eyes wide and sparkling so entrancingly, pulled the trigger.

* * *

Now, Ultimate Luck sleeps in a room he has furnished to suit anyone’s comfort. And yet, it’s still not enough.

Now that he could see in color, he could see the dreariness of the walls and floor so much sharper. Even with his heightened senses, it is aggravating to think just how much he has been _enhanced_ from this encounter.

Aggravating, and _yet_...

Kamukura once more turns to his sleeping soulmate. His soulmate sleeps so peacefully, lips parted with each gentle, delicate breath.

He had already looked up every single color. Before he could identify them by tints and shades, but to identify them by hues is far, far more valuable an ability.

His soulmate has fluffy white hair save for the fading tips of pink, which had likely been red-brown once upon a time. Red-brown like autumn leaves and cinnabar lacquerware. His soulmate smelled of decay, and his words before had dripped with an odorless poison, similar and yet different to _her_.

It would have been so easy to kill this person. To let them die. It would have taken the equivocal effort of squashing an ant under his thumb.

_The Ultimate Hope receives a soulmate who is Ultimate Luck, the most worthless and erratic of the talents in possession. This Ultimate Luck is also living on borrowed time. He is fragile. Delicate._

**_He is mine._ **

And because he was his, Kamukura searches his soulmate’s person for his student ID and finds it in his breast pocket along with the thick student handbook.

“Komaeda Nagito,” he reads, and then he tests the name on his tongue. “Komaeda Nagito. Nagito. Nagito.”

_My soulmate._

His soulmate.

He sets the ID aside, re-focusing on his sleeping soulmate. Still sleeping, even now. Nagito twitches, however, when Kamukura brushes the back of his hand along the side of his face. His lips purse as Kamukura’s thumb runs over the lower swell.

_The sensation of touching your soulmate is—_

Nagito sighs so sweetly under said touch.

_It’s something._

“Mm...” Nagito’s delicate face scrunches up as he begins to wake. “C... Class Rep...?”

Something strikes a chord within his being, cold and dark.

But when Nagito’s eyes, a mixture of gray and green, like fog and moss, begin to flutter open, that reverberating feeling of unpleasantness fades.

Such is the effect of a soulmate.

“Nn... Huh...?” Nagito’s eyes go comically wide, and he scrambles back so suddenly and so jerkily that Kamukura has to quickly still and steady him with a stern grip of his shoulders.

Nagito jerks even at that touch. How troubling.

“I... I-It’s you...” Nagito is gazing at him with wonder mixed with confusion and—dread? How... _strange_. How very strange. Ah, but Nagito keeps talking. “You knocked me out. You’re...”

“Your soulmate,” Kamukura said.

“Kamukura Izuru,” Nagito said, brow furrowing. “I read about you. The human experiment by Hope’s Peak to create what would be the Ultimate Hope. And such...!” He sighed, slumping. “Such a disappointment. And I staked so much in this academy...what a mistake to do that in a school of fools...”

Kamukura blinked once. Twice.

“Why does any of that matter?” he asked. “We are soulmates. Such significance in that information overshadows all other factors. Nothing is more important than the bond of soulmates.”

He cups Nagito’s face, fascinating himself with the softness of Nagito’s jaw and cheeks under his hands. And then his hair, his neck—

“Um... Please stop.”

Kamukura stops, blinking, and Nagito is flushed and looking at him with a strange unnerved mixture of unease and rapture.

“...stop?” he echoes, not quite understanding on impulse and then thought it over. “Ah.” He pulls away. “Right. We have only just met, after all.”

“Right,” Nagito echoes uncertainly. “Anyway... Kamukura-kun...”

“Nagito,” he returns.

Somehow, that earns a blush darker than before. Nagito coughs harshly before clearing his throat.

“So...?” Nagito’s gaze sweeps the area, and said gaze soon narrows. “Where am I?” A pause. “Where’s that hateful girl?”

“She flits about like an irksome fly,” Kamukura answered coolly. “I do not care to know. It no longer matters.”

“No longer...?” Nagito shook his head. “The first question. Where am I?”

“In one of the repurposed rooms of the underground lab. This used to be a break room, so it’s considerably cozier than the others.” A pause. “But I suppose it is still quite dreary. Would you like a change in wallpaper, Nagito? A rug, perhaps?”

“I... No... That’s okay...” Nagito trails off. “I have been trapped in worse places...?”

_...trapped._

“Think of it as a bunker, not a prison,” Kamukura said. “I am keeping you here for your own safety. If your safety is compromised while here, then I shall move you someplace else.”

“Ahaha, is that so?” That laughter seemed to be lacking in any mirth. “Does _she_ know about this? What does she think?”

“Irrelevant, but if she were to threaten you, her life will be forfeit,” he said. “Past that, she does not matter. You should not concern yourself with anyone except me from now on, Nagito.”

Nagito blinked at him. And then, Nagito’s skeletal hands closed into squeezing fists.

“...I was with the Class Rep,” Nagito said slowly and deliberately. “What happened to her?”

Darkness. Unpleasantness.

Even if that girl was not as despicable as _her_ , something inside him recoiled at his soulmate’s continual mere mention of her.

“...her teacher saved her; she is safe,” Kamukura answered simply. “Is that all you were concerned about?”

“I...” Nagito’s lips twitch into a smile as he runs his fingers through his hair. “Yes, actually. She is our class’s hope, you know, it would be quite the despairing tragedy were anything to happen to her. I’m glad Yukizome-sensei managed to get her to safety.”

A pause.

Another twitch.

“...Yukizome-sensei, is she...?”

It was a good thing this room was soundproof. But even with that, he could tell when screams were reverberating through the walls. He could feel it.

Despite there being no change in his expression, Nagito seemed to pick up on it anyway.

“Oh...” He sighs, averting his gaze. “Well that’s...regrettable...”

Another sigh.

It seemed loss was a familiarity to Nagito.

Kamukura kept that in mind.

“Well, it’ll be okay,” Nagito chirps cheerfully. “After all, this will make my class stronger! Class Rep, especially! It’s important, after all, to learn self-sufficiency. The little bird will not learn to fly if it does not jump from the mother’s nest. But, there’s another reason this is a good thing. It’s far too dangerous for Class Rep. I underestimated the situation.” He grimaces. “My class is not prepared for this. They are mere buds in the face of a gaping maw. It is best for them to remain safe and lay low. An opportunity will arise eventually—it just takes patience and strategy...”

There was nothing to say to that. Nothing except the obvious.

“Either way, they are no longer your concern.” Kamukura reaches out to tuck back ivory curls behind Nagito’s ear. “Consider yourself indefinitely sidelined in that narrative. What you should focus on now is our relationship.”

“...right, our relationship...”

Nagito nods, but the way the corner of his lips twists suggest that he is not fully sated.

 _I suppose it is logical,_ he told himself. _I have had nothing until Nagito. No one to concern myself over, no one to worry about._

(But he does remember that girl again and gets irritated.)

“I never even thought I’d get to meet my soulmate,” Nagito admits almost sheepishly, wrapping his arms around himself. “So, forgive me, this is overwhelming in more ways than one, Kamukura-kun.”

“That is alright,” Kamukura said. “We will be spending as much time together as possible from now on. We are soulmates, after all.”

Komaeda seemed bothered by that. Bothered? Why?

_He should be ecstatic. But, again, this is likely due to the social upbringing he had that I did not._

He did not know for sure.

**_Ah._ **

More information would have to be gathered, then. Regrettably, he would have to spend some time apart from his soulmate after all.

But it would not take long. And the time taken would be only in carefully planned intervals.

At all costs, he cannot risk another confrontation involving his soulmate. Especially not involving that wretch.

“It’s strange,” Nagito goes on. “In all the times I dared to dream, I never would have imagined my soulmate to be...someone like you... I was thinking, aha, maybe someone normal? Someone my luck would most certainly snatch up without missing a beat?”

“If you are concerned with luck, then I have that as well,” Kamukura said. “Your luck will not harm me, Nagito.”

Nagito flinched.

“...I just... U-Usually that would make me so happy to hear, but...!” He shook his head. “Y-You’re someone who shouldn’t exist. Everything about you is _wrong_. Hope... Hope can’t be _made_ in a lab, that’s ridiculous, but...!” His breath catches. “I... I can’t deny...just how radiant you are... How radiant you were when I saw you for the first time... I-If I had died back then, I would’ve died in a state of euphoria!”

“I see.” Kamukura tilts his head. “I have no intention of letting you die. I will protect you. I will cure your illnesses as well. You are my soulmate after all.”

Nagito burst out laughing. The sounds are painful, chords scraping together and screeching out wheeze after wheeze.

Frowning, Kamukura strokes Nagito’s throat. The sounds die down, and he’s let gasping out little noises that...strike something.

Nagito shivers, and Kamukura’s lashes lower.

“I... I also didn’t expect...” Nagito swallows and avoids his eyes. “That, um... Well... That my soulmate...would knock me out...and hold me captive...”

Kamukura frowned.

“I told you,” he said. “It is for your own safety. Yes, this situation may be startling to you initially, but you yourself understand the danger of the outside world. And I predict that here and now, it will continue to get worse.”

“I... I do...understand that...” Nagito still wasn’t looking at him. “But, um, Kamukura-kun, I’m... I’m still...scared. Actually, I’m terrified...! Aha...! I-I don’t know why but, but...!”

His breathing was hitching over and over, growing irregular as he gasped.

_Oh. He’s having a panic attack._

Kamukura reacts quickly and precisely.

“Nagito,” he said, reaching out and taking Nagito’s hand, squeezing. “Breathe. Breathe. You’re hyperventilating.”

Nagito trembles and he grows paler, ghostlier, like a corpse despite how much he’s struggling to catch his breath.

“Your emotional state is causing your pulse to increase significantly,” Kamukura said. “But your heart itself is fine. Once you get through this, you will be fine. So please, breathe.”

Nagito squeezes his hand, breath hitching once again.

“It is alright, it is alright,” Kamukura said, holding his hand with both of his own. “You are here with me, and you will be alright. I will take care of you, Nagito.”

Nagito shivers. Despite that, he’s calming considerably.

**_Good._ **

“We are soulmates, after all,” Kamukura murmured, stroking his knuckles. And then, he presses a kiss to them. “You will be fine. I promise. Nagito. My Nagito.”

“U... Urgh...”

Nagito takes a deep breath and sighs. His face is still clammy, so Kamukura wipes it off. Once he’s settled down, Kamukura takes him into his arms.

“That’s it. There we are.” He strokes Nagito’s hair. “I will not let anything happen to you, Nagito.”

Nagito shivers but grips his arm, leaning into the embrace. Kamukura squeezes him, cooing to him gently, and slowly yet steadily, Nagito is lulled.

“Mm...”

“There, there.”

He presses into the sensitive pressure points along his nape and spine. Nagito’s eyelids start to flutter.

“Just rest,” he murmured. “Rest...”

“Soulmate...” Nagito’s voice was barely above a whisper. “We’re...soulmates...”

“Yes,” he said. “I am yours and you are _mine_.”

With that, Nagito faints. Kamukura holds onto him, of course, humming as he brushes back Nagito’s messy fringe from his face.

_This will have to be a delicate process, it seems._

No matter.

* * *

When Nagito wakes in a rush like before, Kamukura already has a neatly wrapped up bento ready for him.

“Did you sleep well, Nagito? You should eat.”

“Ah... Good morning... Kamukura-kun... Although I suppose it isn’t really morning...” Nagito looks at the food uncertainly, strangely, like he’s never seen food before. Kamukura simply sets it in his lap. Nagito tugs at the knot, distracted by the handkerchief’s pattern. “White with cherry blossoms...that is...surprisingly cute, Kamukura-kun.”

“It is standard alongside checkered or plain.”

“Mm...” Nagito unties it and then swallows at the sight of the food before him, looking exactly like the picturesque handmade meal that a lover would expect from their partner. “A-Ah... You even...cut the sausages into octopi...”

“And made hearts on the rice,” Kamukura said coolly. “Yes. This is one of my talents. It should be satisfactory, then.”

“Um... I-I’m too lowly to just eat something like this...”

“Would you rather I feed you?” he asked, to which Nagito jerked.

“A-Ah, no! No! I’ll eat, I’ll eat!” Nagito clapped his hands together, prayed, and then took his chopsticks to get started. “Mm...”

His eyes grew vacant, misty, and distant at the taste, but he continued to eat diligently.

“It’s delicious...beyond words...” A swallow. “A-Ahaha, this situation is just too much! The lab-grown Ultimate Hope is made a bento for me... And he’s my soulmate at that... I still feel like this is a dream...”

“It is not a dream,” Kamukura said as Nagito snuffles. “The meal is to your liking, yes?”

“V...Very much so...! Hanamura-kun’s wonderful cooking can’t even compare to this simple, standard meal...!” And then, Nagito quiets. “Ah, he’s...in my class...”

“Yes. I am aware.” Kamukura’s expression does not shift. “Ultimate Cook.”

“He prefers Ultimate Chef,” Nagito said.

“Cook,” Kamukura insisted. “I know who your classmates are, Nagito. You need not explain them to me. I do not care about anyone besides you, after all.”

Nagito blinks at him, uncomprehendingly, and then resumes eating as if nothing happened. All while Kamukura watches with a boring, piercing crimson gaze.

Nagito finishes his food, which is unsurprising. He could tell that it had been a while since Nagito last ate. But now that they are soulmates, he will be sure to make certain that his Nagito eats healthily and regularly with all the necessary nutrients and vitamins.

Speaking of which, he offers Nagito supplements that he picked up. Nagito accepts with a smile and downs them with water.

Nagito is a clean eater, so there is not much to clean up.

And afterwards, Nagito is looking at him so expectantly.

“I suppose,” Kamukura said. “I should show you around the area. Small as it may seem, it contains all the necessities for survival.”

Nagito merely smiles, and it doesn’t reach his eyes.

“I...see. Very well, then.”

Nagito was attentive and intense in how he studied the area. He listened to Kamukura’s explanations, repeating them back perfectly when prompted. And when asked questions, he actually provided.

“Is there anything else you would like to be provided?”

“Mmm, some books would be nice. I like mysteries best.”

“Understood, I will retrieve some.”

“I have some books I never finished in my dorm. Can you retrieve those?”

“Yes.”

“How much are you going to dig through my dorm room while you’re there? I’m afraid there isn’t much to see, ehe...”

“...I will search it thoroughly. Unless you would rather I did not?”

“You can. I don’t care.”

“Very well.”

His soulmate was quite the character.

_This person is mine._

* * *

The gun had jammed.

For the two soulmates, time moved slowly.

Ultimate Luck freezes up when Kamukura is close. He shivers as Kamukura’s fingers trail up his waist, and then doesn’t even notice when Kamukura slips the gun out of his hand—

“If it’s good luck you have,” he murmurs into Ultimate Luck’s ear. “I have that as well.”

Kamukura tosses the useless gun aside, and he pulls Ultimate Luck in. Ultimate Luck seizes up, but as his soulmate, he is instinctively pliant, melting into his touch and then and there, Kamukura Izuru for the first time in his existence _wanted_ —

“Komaeda-kun...!”

The Ultimate Gamer cries out, and then, Ultimate Luck’s gaze flickers to her.

Flickers. To. _Her_.

“Class Rep,” he rasps out. “ _Run_.”

_As my soulmate..._

**_Shouldn’t you only be looking at me?_ **

* * *

“Sooo how are things going?”

As irritating as Enoshima Junko is, she at least has the courtesy to contact him via one of the various screens rather than in person. It is a courtesy that he appraises with suspicion because her smile is as sickening as it is saccharine.

“Things are not going well on your end,” he observed. “Because you are impatient.”

“You wanted to talk about me?!” she gasped and then squealed. “Kyaaaa, oh senpai, we _shouldn’t_! A-An illicit affair, a _ah_... Soooo scandalous...!”

“You sicken me,” he stated. “My brief flicker of interest in your words has run its course. There is nothing more you can provide for me aside from your continual absence. You said it yourself, as well, that you only needed me as the final piece in your game. Now that the game has been played, there is nothing more I can do for you.”

“You say that like we can’t play another game together, senpai.” She winks. “For instance, can you do me one laaaaaast little favor? Then I’ll be out of your lustrous locks before you can blink!”

“You want me to retrieve Nagito’s class for you.” Kamukura’s expression did not change. “Why? Is the healthcare committee member not enough for that?”

“She’s tied up in fixing that swordswoman. Urgh.” She scowls with a real, abject disgust. “Muku-nee fucked up. Fat, ugly, _useless_ bimbo. Fuck her with the Spears of Gungnir.”

_Unsurprising. Ultimate Soldier is trained to kill, not to incapacitate. How boring that something so simple sets her back._

“Really, I don’t need the entire class,” Enoshima goes on. “Just that adorable wittle senpai.” A dreamy look befalls her face as she cups her cheeks. “With how coldly you shot her down, my heartbeat picked up a fucking jackhammer into my chest! I just loooooved that broken look on her face! I want to see her again! So, so, soooo badly! I’ll leave you alone forever if I can just have _her_ , Kamukura-sen _pai_!” She clasps her hands. “Please, please, pleeeeeease?! I just want more time to relish in her beautiful face of despair! That’s not too much to ask for! Surely as one who finally held his soulmate in his arms, you can understand the plight of a smitten maiden?!”

“You have the teacher,” he pointed out.

“Haah?” She twitches and sneers into the screen. “Do I look like the kinda fucking weirdo into _teacher_ tits?!”

“You talk too much,” he said.

“Talk too much?” She starts growing mushrooms, teary-eyed and vacant as she fiddles with one of her ponytails. “You’re really disinterested in what I have to say, huh... And I thought you disliked Nanami-senpai so you’d be quick for the opportunity to be rid of her... How despairing to have it wrong...!”

“You’re boring me.”

“Senpaaaaaai!” she whines childishly, sniffling as she does. “So cruel! And after I’ve been so lenient! Just what do you get off on, stringing along a girl like this?!”

Kamukura does not answer that, instead continuing to stare impassively as she pouts and flails.

“...but, it is a serious question,” Enoshima Junko says suddenly, slowly, seriously. “You’re the one I turn to when Muku-nee isn’t an option. And we already established that she’s a fucking screw-up. So it falls to you.”

“I understand your motives,” he said. “You’re drearily predictable. You have other options than bothering me. I told you I have no wish to be involved with you outside of pure necessity and nothing else.”

Enoshima Junko frowns at him, laying her chin on her palm, elbow digging into the table. Even the way her fingers tap against her lips is erratic, agitated.

“Haah.” She sighs heavily. “You’re at your rebellious phase, already, huh? Well, that fucking sucks. But, y’know, we’re in this together. I can’t just leave you alone.” She immediately switches to saccharine and cheerful. “We’re _comrades_ after all! Kyaaaaa! Just saying that warms my insides from my toes to the tip of my nose!!”

“You are not going to drop it,” he said. “So boring. Just wait. That girl will return here.”

“But I wanna see her noooow!” she whines.

“We all cannot have what we want when we want it,” he replied.

“You seem to have everything you could want,” she observes. “Ever since finding that soulmate of yours, you seem to be disgustingly content. But are you sure that loser lucky nobody will be enough to entertain you?” She smiles innocently. “I just have a feeling, upupupu.”

_Just a feeling, she says._

He knows now not to dwell too deeply on her words, regardless of how they pluck at him.

“Is that all?”

She puffs her cheeks at him one last time before the screen flicked off without warning.

That was that, then.

* * *

“Oh, that’s quite the collection!”

“Is it satisfactory?”

“Yes, actually!” Nagito claps his hands. “I actually wanted to read quite a few of these! Thank you, Kamukura-kun!”

“That is good to hear.”

Despite all that said, Nagito merely arranged the books before stacking them atop the bedside table. Under Kamukura’s watchful gaze, he plopped onto the bed and blinked up at him.

“Are you just going to watch me the entire time, Kamukura-kun?”

“Yes, of course.”

“Aha,” Nagito giggles. “That’s a little creepy, don’t you think?”

“We are soulmates,” he said. “So it should be expectable.”

“Soulmates...” Again, Nagito avoided his gaze. “Right.”

_He is still largely uncertain about this._

“Nagito,” he said. “What is on your mind right now?”

“A lot of things,” Nagito says, almost lightly but not quite. “Mostly I’m just formulating. I don’t actually want to be here, you see.”

“No?” Kamukura frowns. “It is safer. We are soulmates.”

“Even if I understand the logic, I just don’t feel that way...” Nagito hums. “But, I am blessed, of course, because I...have a soulmate...”

Kamukura seats himself beside him. Nagito jumped briefly and remained tense as Kamukura’s arms wrapped around him. After a while, he relaxed as if on instinct.

_Because, we’re soulmates._

“This is, um...very weird...” Nagito ducks his head. “But it’s pleasant, too, I suppose, even though it’s Kamukura-kun, haha.”

When that bullet had grazed his cheek, he felt a thrill that he knew was only from the rush of adrenaline that came with narrowly avoiding death. For that moment, he felt alive in a way he never had before. But that feeling had quietly and quite dully faded once the cut healed over with the bloodstain darkening on the back of his hand. It had only been a moment, but it was a moment nonetheless.

That moment was nothing compared to the pleasant sensation of having his soulmate in his arms. Nagito was warm, soft, and still fit so well within his embrace. This was so much more than any mere moment.

“...H-How long are you going to stay like this?”

“As long as I wish. If that is alright.”

“I... It’s fine, I suppose.”

Kamukura pulled him in closer and breathed. The way Nagito shivered was—

_Pleasant..._

* * *

“Color really is such a strange thing,” Nagito murmurs at some point. “So many different shades, tones, hues... Aha, the world itself is a canvas... Fleeting like a transient painting... The world is beautiful in ways you can’t imagine after you’ve seen your soulmate.”

“Yes,” he said. “It is incomparable.”

Still, he found he cared more for other sensations, such as that of Nagito’s skin under his fingertips.

“You’re so touchy-feely,” Nagito laughs as he traces the veins in his wrist and hands. “Were you touch-starved in the labs, Kamukura-kun?”

“I did not like to be touched,” he replied, entwining their fingers and playing with Nagito’s. “You are an exception to that. This contact is pleasant. Preferable.”

Nagito blushes, wheezing out another chuckle. “A-Aha, is that so? Goodness... I guess that’s the innate attraction you’d expect from being...soulmates...”

“That is likely,” Kamukura said. “Studies support that theory. Though we have yet to fully explain the science behind it. That said, I do not truly care for the logistics.”

He runs his fingers over Nagito’s palm, taking note that it seemed to be ticklish and sensitive. Nagito’s hands, and indeed, his body were cold compared to his own. He was frailer, thinner, so this was expectable.

_But all that said... Nagito is aesthetically pleasing to the eye. That is undeniable._

“Kamukura-kun.”

“Yes?”

“There was someone else there,” Nagito said. “In that room, where we met—Mitarai-kun, was it? The real one? Where did he...?”

“He fled,” Kamukura replied. “He was likely picked up on the outside. Nothing to concern yourself with.”

“I see,” Nagito hums thoughtfully. “Maybe he was the one who got Yukizome-sensei. In that case, he should be fine... That’s good, I think. I mean, it would be a shame if something happened to one of the symbols of hope.”

_...symbols of hope._

“You think that talent makes one a symbol of hope?” he asked. “That is faulty thinking, Nagito.”

“It’s something inherent,” Nagito said quickly. “You’re different, obviously. Although... You really are a strange case, Kamukura-kun. I’m not entirely sure how to categorize you.” His head tilts. “Defective... I suppose? Then again, maybe I’m being presumptuous. You probably could accomplish incredible things if you put your mind to it.”

Kamukura would’ve said something, but he keeps quiet because Nagito crawls closer to him, his eyes bright and shimmering.

“You could do _amazing_ things,” he whispers, full of awe. “If someone would just point you in the right direction.”

Kamukura cups his face. Nagito immediately stills, breath catching as Kamukura’s thumbs run over the curvature of his cheeks. Their foreheads press together, and Nagito quivers.

“So,” Kamukura said. “You are thinking about what I could do for you?”

“I-I... A-Aha...! Someone like me should never be so presumptuous!” Nagito’s cheeks colored from a mixture of exertion and embarrassment. “I was just, ah, talking, really. But what I was saying is that, well, for the sake of hope...”

“The only sake I care about is yours, Nagito.”

“...that’s not much, in fact, that’s pretty pitiful...” Nagito mumbled. “You could care for so much _more_ , so much grander, than one paltry nobody. I mean, just because we’re soulmates, that doesn’t mean I’m any less insignificant, you know—!”

In less than an instant, Kamukura had him pinned down. His heart was going a mile per minute, his eyes wide and he almost struggled to catch his breath.

“A-Ah... Ah...ah...”

“I could care,” Kamukura said simply as Nagito gaped up at him like a fish. “But I do not. Those matters you discuss are meaningless when I can already predict everything. Even chaos, I find, follows a pattern. The world is made up of cause and effect with factors of variation. It is all the same. It is all so meaningless. I feel nothing for all of it. All of it except...”

He runs his finger along Nagito’s jawline and the underside of his delicate chin.

“You. You are the sole exception to that. Thus, Nagito, you are the only one I hold concern towards. Is that not expectable? Logical, even?” He leans in, noting that it is likely that long black strands are tickling Nagito’s cheek. “We are soulmates. Our worlds revolve around one another. So why concern with others? As long as I can protect and shelter you, I am satisfied. Should you not feel the same?”

“I... Um...” Nagito squirms just a bit. “I just... I just want hope to shine its brightest... That’s something I’m even willing to die for, you know.”

_...die? For something like that?_

Foolish.

Such _foolishness_.

“You are **mine** ,” Kamukura said. “You are mine, you will not die, you are **_mine_**. Such foolishness. Such _ridiculousness_. I will tear the world asunder myself before I allow my soulmate to slip through my fingers.”

“That’s...a little overdramatic, don’t you think?” Nagito gives a shaky, wobbly smile. “I mean, Kamukura-kun, I’m... I’m happy to have met you and being with you isn’t so bad either, but... There are more important things in this world than...”

“ **No**.” Kamukura cut him off so harshly that it silenced him immediately. “There are not.”

Nagito blinked up at him.

“There are not,” he said again. “Do you really not understand? Can you really not see it? This world, this hope will crumble. It is fickle. Unreliable. But the bond between soulmates is absolute, is it not?”

He brushes the back of his hand against Nagito’s cheek, and then tucks his hair back. He appreciates, for a moment, his image reflected back in those gray-green eyes. The way that image shimmered and warped.

“Absolute...” Nagito’s voice was barely above a whisper. “Hope is...an absolute good, hope would never fail, or crumble, I...” His eyes squeeze shut and he shook his head furiously. “No, _no_ , that’s wrong. You’re absolutely _wrong_ , Kamukura-kun!”

“...Am I?” he asked, lips twisting. “You’re so stubborn about this. You’ve experienced quite a bit of trauma, haven’t you?”

_So that’s it._

“I remember—one of the most erratic talents recorded was that of luck. Yours, especially, was considerably chaotic. Plane crashes. Kidnappings. Wrecks. Murders. Myself. Your luck has brought you generous servings of misfortune, but also good luck, correct? Freedom. Lotteries. Insurance. Money. Myself. Do you believe, then, that despair reaps a greater hope the way your bad luck can beget good luck?”

_...it’s obvious, isn’t it._

“I... Um...” Nagito squirms again, clearly uncomfortable. “Kamukura-kun, I... I feel like you’re looking straight though me, aha...! What a terrifying and amazing feeling...!”

“You are deflecting. You need not be afraid. My gaze is that of your soulmate’s, after all. And, going by your logic...am I not the ultimate culmination of your good luck, Nagito?”

Nagito stills, and he blinks slowly, mulling it over.

“I... You stopped me...from ending it all right then and there... Just as I was thinking that would be so boring...” Nagito doesn’t look at him. “We met...because you were trying to protect that wretched girl... You even took me away into this room, away from my class, the Class Rep...”

_That girl again._

“Why are you so fixated on other people? I am your soulmate, should I not be important to you above all else?”

Nagito snorted at that.

“You sound like a child, Kamukura-kun.”

_A child. A child. Is that so strange?_

“Perhaps I do,” he huffed, and he buried his face into Nagito’s shoulder, making him tense. “Perhaps I am being childish, but is that not expectable? We are soulmates. We belong to each other. And yet... And _yet_...”

“Kamukura-kun...?”

“You’re supposed to be _mine_ ,” he hissed. “Are you not mine? I cannot imagine anyone caring for you as much as I do. Or do you think that’s wrong?”

“I...” Nagito swallows. “I... No... I... Ha... Haha... No one else cares about me. Why would they? I’m trash. Even sensei... Even class rep... They’re both kind people, but ultimately, they would be better off not having to worry...”

“I would not be better off,” Kamukura said. “I would simply be nothing.”

Nagito shivers briefly. “That’s not true...”

And then, tender fingers ran though his hair.

“There’s no way that’s true,” Nagito murmurs. “It’s just because of my luck that you’re connected to a worthless person like myself. If it wasn’t for that, if it wasn’t for me... You could’ve had a worthwhile soulmate, Kamukura-kun... That’s what I think.”

The way Nagito strokes his hair is achingly careful. When it comes to the thickness of the strands, to the knotted bunched that Kamukura never bothered to brush out, Nagito is practiced. He is careful in that he does not pull, does not even tug.

He is careful, but against Kamukura’s sensitive ear, his heart is racing.

“Nagito,” he said. “Let us not focus on such things anymore.”

“Then what should we focus on?” Nagito laughs a little, but it’s such an uncertain sound. “I guess we did get a little off-track. So, we should...”

“We should focus on each other,” Kamukura said, pushing himself up only slightly. “We are soulmates. Nothing else matters nearly so much.”

Nagito’s face falls.

“Ah, this again... Kamukura-kun, I...”

“Do you like me, Nagito?”

Nagito jerked, taken aback by the words.

“I-I... What?”

“Do you like me?” Kamukura asked coolly. “You continue to ask about matters beyond these walls. Even though I told you time and time again that you are safer here and should be focusing on us. Still, you are resistant. Do you dislike me, Nagito?”

“I...” Nagito shivers. “I don’t...dislike you, no... I thought that I did...and that I would... But, ultimately, I can’t...bring myself to. Maybe that’s because we’re soulmates. That’s a despairing thought.”

_Despairing._

Despairing, Nagito says.

“Whatever the reason,” he says. “You do not dislike me. Then, how do you feel?”

“I...” Meeting Kamukura’s unwavering, strong gaze, Nagito fell into a daze. “Sometimes... Enraptured.”

“Enraptured. I see.”

_Then perhaps I should keep you that way._

It wasn’t terribly difficult. In a state like that, Nagito was swept away so easily with nothing more than a mere kiss.

* * *

“I am yours, Nagito. Does that please you to hear?”

“A... A little.”

“Then, I will say it for you again. I am yours, Nagito.”

Nagito covered his face, flushed terribly, even more so than before.

“You’re too much!” he whined. “Do you have no _shame_ , Kamukura-kun?!”

“No,” Kamukura said, arms winding around Nagito’s waist. “No shame. Merely talent.”

“M-Merely... I see...”

Kamukura squeezed him.

“You are mine, Nagito,” he murmured into Nagito’s nape. “And I am yours. After all, we are soulmates.”

“Mine... Yours...” Nagito melts into his embrace. “This really is something out of a dream. But is it a good one? Just like with my luck, it’s so hard to tell.”

“Does it matter?” Kamukura asks, parting his hair back to nuzzle into bare skin. He kisses down the cervical vertebrae, stopping at the base. His fingers trail along the fine fabric of Nagito’s uniform vest. Nagito sighs, and it’s such an encouraging sound. “Nagito, you should just focus on this. How my touch feels. Is it nice?”

Nagito nods, flushing.

“Kamukura-kun is really gentle. You could snap my bones so easily.”

“You are frail. I would do no such thing.” He could, just as Nagito said. But there was no reason to resort to such brutality. Nagito was not fighting him, after all. It would be unnecessary. Cruelty for cruelty’s sake. He doesn’t want that. “As long as you are in my embrace, you are safe from harm.”

“What if a meteor struck us?” Nagito asked lightly.

“I would sense it. I would relocate us to safety immediately. Same for earthquakes, tsunamis, typhoons, and any other upcoming disaster you can think of. You no longer have to worry, Nagito.” Nagito blinked up at him, blankly, dazedly. Kamukura stared back. “As I said. I will always protect you.”

“Ahah... I used to dream of being told something like that...” Nagito swallowed and shuddered. “B-Being told it now, now...! I-I...!”

“Breathe,” Kamukura said, taking his wrist. “Breathe. Deep breaths, my Nagito. You are safe. You always will be. I’m here.”

Nagito inhaled and then exhaled sharply.

“It’s too much at once,” he said before slumping into Kamukura’s hold. “Oh, Kamukura-kun, this is just too much.”

“It is okay,” Kamukura replied, lightly touching Nagito’s jaw. “If you need time, you may very well have it. Now that we are together, I have no plans of leaving you, after all.”

He kisses one cheek, the other, and then his lips. Brief little pecks to calm Nagito down and worked successfully.

“...Kamukura-kun...who’s going to protect me from you?” Nagito takes his hand and squeezes, a rueful smile spilling across his lips. “You’re pretty dangerous, too. Right now, you’re making my heart pound so hard that my chest might just cave in!”

“I will revive you, and I will treat you. Simple as that.” He liked how Nagito’s hand felt around his own. With that chilled touch and those long, slender fingers, he’s quick to entwine their fingers together. “Those are among my talents.”

“Aha, is that so? What if you get more dangerous than that?” Nagito asks cheerfully. “What if you end up having to stop yourself, Kamukura-kun?”

He understood the implication. Gaze flickering, Kamukura kisses Nagito’s knuckles before trailing down the back of his hand to his wrist.

“That you inquire about such a situation regarding your soulmate is regrettable.”

“Ah... Maybe you’re right...” Nagito sighs. “Kamukura-kun, I actually don’t think you’re a bad person. I actually...just find you really pitiful and pathetic.”

_Pitiful? Pathetic?_

“You know,” Nagito goes on. “You’ve given me no choice, really. See, there’s no way I’d be able to let go of hope, even for my soulmate. But, if Kamukura-kun were to bring about hope after all, well...” A laugh. “Surprisingly, I don’t mind. I wonder why? Is it the chemistry between us? Because we’re soulmates? Because I feel responsible for your plight?”

He presses up close.

“I don’t know what it is,” he said. “Hope can’t be grown in a lab, that’s audacious, that’s unnatural and despicable to think... But, Hope’s Peak...was just going to use you as a tool. A tool is not hope. It’s a means to an end.”

“That is true,” Kamukura said. “So, then, Nagito...”

“Let’s make a deal, Kamukura-kun.” Nagito’s eyes glimmered and swirled. “I’ll be your stepping stone. I’ll tear out my heart for you. I have nothing else going for me. You can counter my luck, after all. So... At this point, why don’t I just be pragmatic?” He smiles brightly. “Kamukura-kun...you can have me in whichever way I please.”

Nagito kisses him. In that moment, colors became all the more vivid and bright.

“You can have me,” Nagito whispered. “But you must join me and become a stronger stepping stone for hope.”

 _A stepping stone._ The words rung in his ears. _So that’s it._

“...you really are going to make this so difficult, then...” A pause. “You are not going to be dissuaded, are you?” Nagito nuzzles happily into his hand. He kisses his palm, trailing his lips down the lines. “How troubling. You really are serious about this.”

_So, this is how it will be._

 “Of course,” Nagito says, holding Kamukura’s hand to his face as if it were something precious. “Why wouldn’t I be? This is no joking matter, Kamukura-kun.”

“Even though we’re soulmates,” he said. “Even though nothing else is more important.”

Nagito merely laughs. “I’m sorry I can’t agree with that.”

Kamukura holds him closer and tighter.

“Perhaps what you need is greater persuasion. That, too, is one of my talents, Nagito.”

Nagito’s head tilts. “And you’re going to use such a valuable talent on a worm like myself? Kamukura-kun, that is why...”

Kamukura covered his mouth.

“Enough. Do not think anymore.”

Nagito blinks at him a few times.

“ _Ever_ ,” he whispered lowly, and ever obediently, Nagito nods. For that, Kamukura pulls his hand back and kisses him softly. Nagito’s lashes flutter; he melts into the kiss and falls into a daze.

“Kamukura-kun... Kamukura-kun...”

His arms wind around Kamukura’s neck and he clings.

“Kamukura-kun, Kamukura-kun...”

Kamukura holds Nagito tightly in return. Nagito is trembling like a branch ready to snap from the wind.

“Kamukura-kun...”

He shushes him gently, stroking his hair as he does.

“It is alright, Nagito. It will be alright. I will guarantee it.”

* * *

“Sooo, trouble brewing in paradise, huh?” She snickers. “That’s fucking hilarious. I’m surprised you didn’t predict it, senpai.”

There’s nothing to say in response. Best to ignore her until she got bored.

“That lucky senpai is pretty stubborn, huh?” she asks, tone saccharine as expected. She bats her eyelashes at him. “He’s quite a pain in the ass and not in a good way, huuuuh?”

_Nagito can be troublesome, but it can be dealt with._

He knows better than to let his expression convey that, much less voice it.

“Byyyy the way, he actually managed to rattle your door a bit,” she sing-songs. “If he keeps doing whatever he’s doing, he’ll definitely escape! But the chase is one of the most _exciting_ parts, so this might just be good for you!”

“You are boring me,” he said simply.

_I’ll perhaps have to drug Nagito’s food after all._

“Y’know senpai,” she goes on. “Someone like that is really so drearily stubborn. I had him pegged from the moment he started talking. It really is unfortunate an absolute bore like that is your soulmate. Really, you deserve better.”

“Boring,” he said. “What I deserve does not matter.”

She frowns, lower lip jutted out and quivering.

“But I worry about you.” She sniffled, tears welling up. “The idea of my wonderous senpai stuck in such a soul-sucking soulmate bond is a despair that even I wouldn’t wish on anyone! It’s just...so sad to think... Poor, poor Kamukura Izuru-senpai...”

“It does not matter,” he repeated. “Your continual attempts to manipulate me are getting duller and duller.”

“Oi, oi, what’s wrong with a girl just fucking worrying about one of her favorite people?!” She flips him off, sticking out her tongue. “Ya could be at least a little fucking grateful that someone’s looking out for yer fine ass, Kamukura Izuru!”

“And yet, I feel nothing.” Kamukura doesn’t miss a beat. “And I will continue to feel nothing. Your thoughts, your words, your actions... They all mean nothing to me, Enoshima Junko, the girl who cares for nothing except despair.”

The way Enoshima Junko frowns at him is significant, but it still does not matter.

“You’re really going to piss me off at this rate,” she sighed heavily. “Man, fuck, if you were going to break my heart this much, why haven’t you killed me yet?”

“...should I do that?” he asked. “If you are going to intervene, then perhaps, I should.”

She shudders with delight.

“That would be sooooo despairing! Oh, senpai, if it’s you, then, then...” She squirms, squealing. “T-Then...!”

_Unpleasant. Boring._

**_Nagito._ **

He immediately picks up the pace, even as she calls for him, over and over.

* * *

Nagito tumbles back when Kamukura flings the door open. Nagito is wincing and rubbing at his rump, groaning as he does.

“Ow... So sudden...”

“You were trying to escape.”

Nagito blinks up at him with wide eyes. Kamukura is looming over him; he can imagine how he looks right now, and yet, Nagito smiles at him like it was nothing.

“Ah, Kamukura-kun. Good afternoon. Is it afternoon? Or evening? Morning, maybe?”

“You were trying to escape.”

“Well...” Nagito pushes himself up, and he dusts himself off. “I was exploring, really.”

“Exploring.”

Nagito’s smile strains. “Are you angry, Kamukura-kun?”

Kamukura took his hand and lead him to the bed. He seated Nagito down before gently pushing him down. Nagito stiffens, blushes, but is ultimately pliant as Kamukura takes his wrists and holds them together.

“I am not angry.”

He undoes his tie and binds Nagito to the intricately patterned iron bedframe. Immediately, a shiver goes through Nagito’s frame. His breath catches, pupils dilating before he swallows and lets out soft, shaky laughter.

“Aha... Haha... Hey, Kamukura-kun, you’re really angry, aren’t you?”

“No, I am not.” His tone is flat, both voice and expression blank. “I am not angry. This is merely what it takes to keep you out of trouble.”

“This is a bit much,” Nagito mumbles meekly, tugging at the restraints. “Oh, masterful knotwork, all that said, aha. And it’s really secure! I don’t think I can even move my wrists at all!”

“You cannot,” he replied. “It will leave bruises, however, which is regrettable. But you will recover from those in due time. The ache will be dull, in the very least.”

Nagito nods, the corners of his lips twitching and twisting.

“That’s...so thoughtful... Ehe... Hehe...” He trembles as Kamukura strokes his cheek. “That said... That said...”

“You are scared.”

“G-Goodness...!” Nagito wheezes. “Just a bit uncomfortable...! The last time I was tied up wasn’t, well, pleasant.”

“I apologize for digging up unpleasant memories,” Kamukura said. “I, too, wish this was not a necessary course of action, Nagito.”

“Necessary... Necessary...” Nagito turns thoughtful. “Aah, I really, really just don’t understand you. Kamukura-kun, are you sure you’re okay?”

“Okay?” That genuinely caught him off guard, the way Nagito was frowning at him, even as unease shimmered in his eyes. “Why do you ask?”

“I can’t imagine human experimentation being pleasant,” Nagito said. “Much less it having pleasant effects on a person. Um, Kamukura-kun is still...human, right?”

“No.” He doesn’t even blink. “I am not.”

“Mm...” Nagito shook his head. “No, that’s wrong.” He smiles brightly. “Kamukura-kun is definitely human. You wouldn’t look so vulnerable if you weren’t.”

_...vulnerable...?_

“Excuse me?”

“I can see it!” Nagito chirps. “There’s uncertainty in Kamukura-kun’s gaze! It’s softer! Before, you had such a cold and hard gaze... You really were angry at me, which actually was pretty scary, but right now... Kamukura-kun’s feeling bad, I think...? No, I feel pretty certain. Why is that? The soulmate bond is really incredible! I just forget my terror around you...!” He practically beams. “Kamukura-kun, you’re really messed up, aren’t you?”

Kamukura simply stares.

There’s a coldness in the air, buzzing with undeniable tension. Nagito’s smile falls for a moment but he forces it right back, even as he quivers. Nagito is still terrified. He can tell. It’s undeniable.

And yet, Nagito is still trying to smile in a way meant to evoke a sense of comfort. The efficiency of such a gesture is irrelevant when just the intent is significant.

“Hey... Kamukura-kun...” He’s struggling. He’s clearly struggling, biting on the inside of his lips. “When are you going to untie me?”

Silence dragged on between them. Nagito smiles at him pleadingly. There is still a chill in the air, a hum from the air conditioner, the miniature fridge. Nagito’s heart is pounding.

Kamukura silently undoes the binds and redoes his tie as Nagito rubs his wrists.

“That was a close one,” Nagito says, almost cheerfully. “I was close to panicking for a minute! Thank you, Kamukura-kun, you really are so kind!!”

Kamukura seats himself behind him and leans against him.

“Nagito,” he said. “Should I kill her for you? Enoshima Junko? I can do that. Easily.”

Nagito, now, is quiet for a moment.

“You could, couldn’t you,” he murmured. “You could end this so easily, Kamukura-kun, but... That would be boring, wouldn’t it? Still...”

Silence drags once more.

“Do you want to kill her?” Nagito asked wryly. “Do you hate her, Kamukura-kun? Is she significant to you?”

“I want nothing to do with her,” Kamukura answered. “That is all.”

Nagito hummed.

“Kamukura-kun, those killings... I heard about them. Did you really kill them? All those wonderful Ultimates...?”

“Only the last one in self-defense,” he said. “He charged at me. He was hysterical. I shoved him and he fell onto his chainsaw.”

_And he shot at me._

He still remembers that, but compared to before, the memory is dull. Dreary. Monochrome.

“She framed you,” Nagito laughs. “I’m not surprised. A pawn to Hope’s Peak, a pawn to her... Kamukura-kun really is a tool, literally and figuratively.”

Kamukura bit his shoulder and he jumps. It hadn’t hurt, of course, but Nagito was still startled enough to smack him. That hadn’t hurt either, for obvious reasons.

“Goodness...” Nagito sighs. “You’re such a dire case. It’s despairing. Even if it’s someone like me, to get a soulmate like this...”

He wraps his arms around himself, shaking as he does with wheezy laughter.

“Ahhhh, it’s just such a turbulent _whirlwind_ of a situation! I feel like I could get swept away on a moment’s notice and it really is so exciting that it’s overwhelming!”

“The situation is a high stress one,” Kamukura said, rubbing Nagito’s back on instinct. “Perhaps... I should just...”

“It’s because of her!” Nagito exclaimed passionately. “It’s because of despair! Because of that wretched, hateful underclassman! Kamukura-kun, now more than ever, we have to support the true symbols of hope!”

**_“Someone like that is really so drearily stubborn.”_ **

“Kamukura-kun.” Nagito takes his hands, and he asks, “Don’t you think so, too?”

Nagito squeezes them. His head tilts.

“...Kamukura-kun?”

“Nagito...” His eyes shut. “What do you want right now, truly?”

“For the greatest hope to glisten!” Nagito exclaimed, stars in his eyes. Then, those stars faded. “But you’re proving to be quite the obstacle. Is it just because of my incompetency when it comes to explaining myself? How am I supposed to convince you? I thought offering myself would be enough, but... You’ve really left me at quite the loss, Kamukura-kun.”

_I should be saying that._

“I actually don’t want to discard you,” Nagito says it like a confession. “We are soulmates, so... Shouldn’t we be better suited to be comrades over anything else? Isn’t that...reasonable?”

_Reasonable..._

“If I comply to your requests, you will be in danger,” he said, pulling his hands back. “I cannot allow that, Nagito. That displeases you to hear, does it not? Even though we are soulmates, you are still...”

“Someone like me doesn’t deserve to just be safe and happy with my soulmate,” Nagito explained, taking his hands again and squeezing once more. “That’s why I can’t accept it. But, I’ll let you do whatever you want to me, and you can handle everything... So...”

“Nagito, do you still want to die?”

Nagito immediately stills. For a moment, it is dead silent within the room save for Nagito’s quickening pulse. Kamukura takes Nagito’s chin and feels him stiffen under his fingertips.

“I will not allow that,” he said. “You are to stay with me. You are my soulmate. Do you understand? You are mine.”

Nagito takes his wrist and grips it tight.

“And Kamukura-kun is...also mine. Right?”

“I am yours.” He doesn’t miss a beat. “Remember. I have indeed looked through your files intensively, right down to every report made on you on behalf of your doctors at this school, including the former Ultimate Therapist. You seem to have lived quite the eventful series of experiences.”

_Different from myself._

Nagito’s smile was vacant. His fingers loosen.

“I see.”

“You need not worry now,” Kamukura said, cupping his cheek. “As I have said before, I will never let anything happen to you, Nagito. You can relax. Just focus on this.” With his other hand, he strokes along Nagito’s spine, trailing down to the lower back. “On being mine.”

“I could,” Nagito murmurs as their lips brush together. “But I don’t think I can. Sorry, Kamukura-kun. You really do deserve a better soulmate.”

Kamukura kissed him again, deepening the contact.

_The taste unique to Nagito is sweet. Nagito, in spite of his troubling stubbornness, is soft, supple, and pliant. He is..._

Nagito makes a soft, low sound as Kamukura kisses down his neck.

“Ah... Kamukura-kun...”

Before he really thinks about it, he’s already nibbling tentatively at the skin. He’s careful to apply less pressure than what it would take to leave marks, and that makes Nagito whine with dissatisfaction.

_Unsurprising. Considering how Nagito is._

Nagito is squirming, shifting against his body as it crawls over his own. Just as always, Nagito’s pale cheeks are flushed pink, rising with heat. There are many other details to take notice of. The clamminess of Nagito’s hands, the twitching of his fingers, the saliva building up and leading to drool that Kamukura wipes away, the swaying of long white curls from how Nagito vibrates, Nagito’s throat bobbling with each swallow... Nagito’s hips pressing against his own, as if on instinct.

But Nagito is pressing up so close not because of arousal. There is a clear need for physical intimacy, but it’s one that Nagito is seeking hesitantly.

They are soulmates, so this is regrettable.

_But I could make him forget. I could take him. Make him well and truly mine. Would that not be better? Safer for Nagito?_

“Wait, Kamukura-kun.” Nagito breathes in, and kisses his cheek, pleading into his ear. “Please, wait. I don’t... If I lose myself to you now, I’ll...”

_It would be better. It would be easy. Simple. Hypnotism is one of my talents._

“It would be better,” Kamukura said aloud. Nagito tenses, and whines again.

“No, no,” he insisted. “It would be horrible. Despairing, even.”

_Despairing, he says._

“You could be so much happier,” Kamukura said. “You would be safe. It would be better. We only need one another. We are soulmates. Why...is that not enough for you, Nagito?”

_Nagito has much to work though. But Nagito is my soulmate, so I..._

“I don’t feel like I should...say...” But, Nagito pets his hair as before, brushing it back. “But, also, I don’t think this is enough for either of us, Kamukura-kun.”

Nagito tentatively embraces him, squeezing with a level of uncertainty.

“There’s no way something like this would be enough, so...”

Kamukura nuzzles into his neck.

“Is that so? That is what you think?”

Nagito simply nodded.

“I feel that way pretty certainly.” Thoughtlessly, he plays with the long wild ebony strands and begins to braid them with a hum. “Kamukura-kun, Kamukura-kun... You really are so...striking... Even if we hadn’t been soulmates, I feel as though I would still be dazzled by you. Aha, I really am so worthless. Kamukura-kun’s a pitiful person; I shouldn’t be like that.”

Despite that, Nagito hums and smiles, moving on to make another braid in his hair.

“You should meet my class,” he said. “You could learn from them, maybe. I think. They seem all so happy and harmonious, thanks to Class Rep, it really is such a hope-inspiring sight...”

Kamukura bit him, and Nagito flinched at that, gasping sharply, dropping the tresses.

“K-Kamukura-kun...?!”

Shock bleeds into sensuality as Kamukura sucks on that sensitive spot. Nagito moans at the sensation of it, arching into him, sighing, shuddering, and then—

Nagito tries to shove him off, and Kamukura allows it, pulling back. Nagito touches the blossoming bruise, still shivering.

“...I’ll be yours,” he whispers, head hanging. “I’ll be yours, I’ll be completely yours if you can just...if you can just help them.”

Kamukura’s gaze flickers from his neck to Nagito’s eyes, obscured by the messy white fringe. He would have brushed it back, but Nagito went on.

“She’s...planning something. Something involving them. I’m sure of it. I just have a feeling that—that something despairing is on the rise. And from that, hope needs to spring forth. That’s why, Kamukura-kun, you have to...”

“I do not have to,” Kamukura said.

Nagito’s shoulders shake.

“I’ll do anything,” he said. “If Kamukura-kun can act on my behalf then, for Kamukura-kun, I’ll do anything, even...” Nagito trails off. “Even if... I can’t understand it, Kamukura-kun... I’m willing...”

_So stubborn. So damningly stubborn. There is no convincing Komaeda Nagito like this. But..._

Nagito’s eyes, in spite of everything, are sparkling. Nagito’s cheeks are still pink from before. His cheeks, his lips as well with how Nagito is biting them. His ears...

**_Beautiful._ **

“Will that make you happy?”

“Oh, how I feel is utterly—”

“Essential,” Kamukura answered for him. “I could bend you to my will. I could force you, but...”

_As regrettable as it may be..._

“This will make you happy...?” he asks again, tilting his head. “Nagito?”

Nagito’s blush positively flares, and the contrast, too, is beautiful.

“I... Of course... My hopeful class shining would definitely...make me happy.”

“I see.” A pause. “So that’s how it is.”

Nagito blinks up at him hopefully. “So, then...?”

“Very well.”

He tugs Nagito up into his lap. Nagito is much cuddlier than before, pressing into him with a soft little giggle. The difference compared to before is a significant one.

“I’m so happy and grateful that I could cry, Kamukura-kun!”

“Do not do that,” Kamukura droned. “Tears will make your eyes sting.”

Nagito sniffled, burying his face into Kamukura’s shoulder.

“...very well,” Kamukura repeated, running his fingers through Nagito’s hair. “I will just have to kiss those tears away, then.”

“U... Uu...”

* * *

He knows very well that the outcomes of this choice will likely be unpleasant. It’s boring, how much there is to dread.

_She likely would not have left Nagito alone either way. I can justify it with such thoughts._

Still, Enoshima Junko was going to be displeased. Perhaps that would be interesting. She was significantly less grating under such circumstances, even as she continued to laugh matters off with that twisted grin plastered on her face.

It would be something.

But, truth be told, he doesn’t really care. About this, or that, or anything other than Nagito’s situation.

_Nagito promised to be truly mine. As it should be._

That should be enough. There was nothing more to consider.

_Boring. So boring._

**_Nagito really is so..._ **

“Ultimate Healthcare Committee Member.”

She immediately jumps with a yelp, nearly dropping the new bundle of bandages. Turning on her heel, his gaze is met with dark, swirling purple. Even in a world of color, she looks all the darker, and he shuts the door behind him, leaving them in the storage room together.

The pawn for despair’s expression is cold and blank.

“What are you doing, Kamukura-san? Were you sent by my beloved?”

There was no need to answer that. Nagito, after all, was likely trying to explain everything else to his classmates. So, right now...

_This is the matter that needs to be dealt with._

He steps forward.

* * *

_Soulmates. This person is my soulmate. This person is mine._

And yet, his soulmate wasn’t looking at him—but at the Ultimate Gamer.

“Class Rep—run!”

_I do not understand._

“Class Rep,” his soulmate gasps. “Y-You have to—!”

Ultimate Gamer is frozen. Ultimate Gamer watches as he strikes his soulmate out cold, as he holds his soulmate closer after he slumps in his grip.

“Eh, ehhhh? What’s this, what’s this?” she’s bouncing up to his side. “That look in your eyes...! Oh no, don’t tell me...!”

“Your suspicions are correct,” he said. “I will be keeping this one with me.”

“S-Shock!” she gasped with a look of horror. “You’re going to dump me over _that_ , senpai?! And after you saved me like a knight in shining armor! That’s so despairing!” She covers her face, shaking. “How coooould you?!”

Just like that, she pulls her hands back with her tongue stuck out.

“Well, whatever. I guess you deserve a little boy toy for all you’ve done for me. And like I give a shit about some lucky nobody.” She waved her hand. “Fine, fine, go ahead and take him. You’re done a good enough job.” She turns to the Ultimate Gamer with a beam. “For now, let’s focus on the real guest of honor! Hey, hey, you’re Nanami Chiaki-senpai, the oh so beloved Class Representative of 77-B, riiiiight?” Her smile drops all of a sudden. She’s blinking several times. “Ah, huh? Huh, huh?”

Nanami Chiaki is looking straight at him, her gaze intense and unwavering.

“Hinata-kun...right?”

His soulmate’s breathing is careful against his chest.

“You’re Hinata-kun, aren’t you? What happened to your appearance...? Where were you?” She steps closer. “Hinata-kun... You...”

He holds his soulmate closer.

“Hinata-kun?” Enoshima blinks up at him innocuously. “Who’s Hinata-kun? You mean to tell me you knew him, Na-na-mi-sen _pai_?”

_I have no memory of this person._

Of course not. All traces of Hinata Hajime were thoroughly discarded if not disposed of. And yet, this person is looking at him so piercingly, so pleadingly.

In a world of vivid color, it’s all the more irritating.

_My soulmate looked towards this person I do not know. She is looking at me so expectantly._

**_I hate this look._ **

How ironic it is to meet a person he can’t help but hate immediately after meeting his soulmate. While holding his soulmate in his arms.

**_I hate it. I want to run away._ **

“Hinata-kun, do you...?” She hesitates. “Do you not remember me...?”

_My soulmate looked towards you._

“No,” he snapped. “I do not know nor care who you are.”

Her expression shatters—and Enoshima Junko snickers.

He simply turns away, his grip on his soulmate tightening.

_It does not matter, nothing else **matters** , nothing except for—_

* * *

He slides the door open.

“Oh, Kamukura-kun!”

Immediately, Nagito has bounced up to him like an eager puppy. He ruffles Nagito’s hair, earning a delighted giggle and cheery smile.

For just the two of them, it’s perfect. For himself, it’s perfect.

But, it is not just the two of them.

“Everyone, everyone!” Nagito tugs him along. “This is him! My soulmate!”

He’s being appraised with several uneasy and suspicious eyes. He does not think about a certain pair. Amongst them, there are murmurs among other things.

“...y-ya gotta be fucking kidding me...”

“What is that creature? It surely cannot be mere human...”

“He looks...like a ghost...”

“Urgh, of fucking course he’s even weirder in terms of looks than Komaeda-onii.”

“He looks strong...”

“Whoa! Nagito-chan was right to swoon!”

“He is quite the feast for eyes, especially those locks...”

“So you know what’s going on?” Ultimate Yakuza cuts straight to the chase. “You’re involved with this? Aren’t you the reason those fuckheads out there are revolting?”

“Surely that is not simply the case,” Ultimate Princess suggests. “If he is Komaeda-san’s soulmate, then he is our ally, is he not?”

“He has a weird smell.” Ultimate Gymnast picks at her nose. “Oi, Nanami, what do you think?”

He has no interest in looking in that particular direction.

“Class Rep met him before! Quite the unfortunate first impression!” Nagito exclaimed. “But, it’s okay! We’re soulmates!”

Those words alone are enough to cling to.

Of course, those other irritating eyes look more unsettled.

“He’s the reason Komaeda was gone for a while...”

“A-And why the hell couldn’t it have stayed that way?! Aren’t things dire enough?!”

“Look. If he can really help us, then shouldn’t we...?”

“I just don’t know about this... There’s something off about him...”

“Right?! Something majorly off! He’s totally a mega creep even more so than...!”

At his cold stare, there was a shared shiver throughout a significant portion of the crowd. But not, unsurprisingly, all of them.

“Nanami-san,” Nagito was saying. “Kamukura-kun may have had me ah, tied up for a bit, but he said he’s willing to be a stepping stone, so...”

“Komaeda-kun.” A sigh. “I...just...”

It’s unsurprising.

He is still irritated.

“Hey, guys...” She swallows. “Can I talk to Hi... Kamukura-kun...alone? For a bit? It won’t be long... I think.”

“Is that really okay?”

“I don’t know...”

“I don’t trust him...!”

“He emanates quite the malicious aura.”

_Boring. So boring._

“It’ll be alright.” She’s smiling at them. “Right, Komaeda-kun?”

“Oh, absolutely!” Nagito smiles at him. “Kamukura-kun, you’ll be on your best behavior for our beloved Class Rep, right?”

**_Beloved._ **

“I will be courteous, Nagito.”

_Irritating. So irritating._

But with Nagito’s smile brightening, it simply was what it was.

* * *

They’re in one of the empty classrooms. She is fiddling with her fingers, biting on her lips. The room is gloomy and dull, even with color. It is suitable, to say the least.

“...Hinata-kun.”

That name is spoken softly, yet in a firm tone.

“Wrong,” he said. “Kamukura Izuru.”

“Hinata-kun,” she presses. “You really... Are you really Komaeda-kun’s...?”

She bites back down on her lips. She shakes, but she keeps herself upright by steadying herself on one of the desks. Said desk has been carved into significantly. It is a relatively old desk. Bought five years ago. He can already run through the exact production and company behind it.

“Soulmate, yes,” he answers, turning his attention to another desk. One that also been carved into. It was a name—likely the name of the writer’s crush. “We are soulmates.”

“I see...” She’s hesitating. Her expression strains. “I’m happy for you... I guess.”

“You are not,” he said. “You do not even care for me.”

“That’s not—!”

“That dead reserve who is now the husk I inhabit does not count as myself,” he said. “I could not make that clearer. Your continual efforts to reach out to this husk are boring. Unbearably boring.”

She flinches back, frown deepening, giving him that look that Enoshima Junko swooned over.

“...I’m sorry,” she whispered meekly. “I’m so, so sorry, Hinata-kun.”

“It is not your fault,” Kamukura replied. “Your reasoning was simply flawed to the point of offense. But I do not care. Do you not have more important things to discuss? Nagito explained, did he not?”

“He did, but...” She still isn’t looking at him. “I don’t think...you told him everything.”

“He did not request every bit of information.”

“Like... Yukizome-sensei...” Her hands were tightening into fists. “She’s not...really dead, is she?”

“The teacher you know might as well be,” he said. “So, put her out of your mind.”

“How can I do that?!” she cried. “If it wasn’t for her, I’d be—!”

“That does not matter,” he said. “There is no one left behind for you to save.”

“That’s not true,” she argues. “If she’s still alive, then... Everyone...”

“You want to get everyone killed, then.”

“No!” she exclaimed. “If we’re all together, we’ll succeed!”

Kamukura sighed.

“Willful ignorance is such a dangerous thing,” he said. “And such a boring, irritating thing.”

“You...” She swallows and steels herself. “You can help us, can’t you, Hi—Kamukura-kun...?”

“I can.” A pause. “I will not. Because that is exactly what she would want, and I have no interest in so drearily leading everyone into an obvious trap.”

“You can stop her,” she insisted. “You can, because... I... If what Komaeda-kun said is true...”

She looks ill. Unsurprising.

“I have thought about that. Not an option. The potential outcomes will only be a headache.” He wanted to minimize the stress that Nagito would face as much as possible. Though, there were other factors. Factors he is less keen on disclosing to someone like this. “It would be best to just discard her and focus on everyone else. So, once again: put her out of your mind.”

She stares at him with an abject look of horror, and then, glaring defiance.

“What happened to you?” She’s angry. His impassive expression does not so much as twitch. But her voice builds and builds. “What did they do to you? What happened? How could this _happen_?”

“Through a simple choice and short-sighted ambition.” He remained unmoved. “It does not matter.”

“It does!”

She’s prepared to argue again. How _boring_.

“Hinata-kun... Is there any part of Hinata-kun that remains?” she asks, gritting her teeth. “There has to be something, because... Because... Otherwise...”

“ _This is just too despairing_ ,” he finished for her. “That is what you were thinking, was it not?”

She’s quiet.

“So boring,” he exhales. “Nagito spoke and thought so highly of you.”

She sighs. She seats herself atop one of the desks.

“Komaeda-kun’s like that,” she muttered. “Expecting so much from everyone. Just like everyone else... Is he the same with you? It’s just...how he is.”

As if he doesn’t know that.

“We are soulmates,” he said. “That is all.”

She rubs at her arm. Expectable. This room is unnaturally cold, in part due to gloomy weather outside. It was colder here than in the room he had for Nagito. That room Nagito could have remained so happily in.

“He convinced you to help us, at least,” she said. “We should be grateful to him for that.”

“That would make him happy.” _Irritating, but if he’s happy..._ “Nagito and his happiness are all that I care for.”

Her frown deepens at that.

“I see... That’s understandable, I suppose,” she said. “Is that the truth, though? Back, then, after his gun jammed...” She shivers. “I...”

“Nagito telling you to run was the best decision,” he pointed out. “As he has said, you are not equipped to confront the one behind all this. Class or no, charging in mindlessly would only result in total defeat.”

She glares.

“...you’re wrong.” She gets to her feet. “You’re wrong. We won’t lose. We won’t give up. We won’t...”

“Nanami.”

The inflection is perfect. The way he looks at her causes her to immediately flinch, eyes going wide and vulnerable. Idly, he wondered if under these circumstances, their eyes would look the same. Such was likely the case.

“Hinata-kun...?”

And then, just like that, Kamukura’s expression hardened.

“...come,” he said, and beckoned her. She doesn’t even hesitate. “There is something you need to see.”

* * *

Drearily, he has already predicted how this will initially go.

Abject horror. A sharp gasp.

“ _Tsumiki-san_!”

The would-be nurse does not need much to put on a show. She’s already crying, writhing against the binds, trying to scream through the fabric shoved between her teeth and shaking her head furiously. Her face is flushed.

“Tsumiki-san!” Nanami cries out, rushing up to her. “Tsumiki-san!!”

“Do not bother with the binds, not even the one keeping her from speaking,” he said plainly. “They are too tight for you to undo. And for now, this is safer.”

Nanami looks at him the way one would look at a monster.

_That’s a better look than before._

“She has been corrupted, indoctrinated, brainwashed,” he went on. “She is a threat. She is only alive for necessity’s sake.”

“That’s no excuse...!” She gets between them, as if she means to keep him from hurting her again. Over her shoulder, the once Tsumiki Mikan is looking at him with burning hate and betrayal. She presses close to Nanami, as much as she can, and that just incites the Class Rep further. “Tsumiki-san is our friend! You can’t treat friends like that!”

“Boring.” _So boring._ “She is not your friend. She most certainly is not mine. The only one I care for is Nagito.”

“That’s wrong!”

“Is it?” he asked dully. “No, it is not. Denying it will not change that.”

She glares at him, defiant all the same.

“I suppose how you feel cannot be helped,” he said. “But it does not matter. The situation will remain, regardless. But I suppose I should convince you all the same. For Nagito’s sake.”

“For Komaeda-kun,” she echoed.

“Nagito is my soulmate, after all,” he said. He dismissively waves his hand. “Now step aside. You want those bindings to be undone, correct?”

Tsumiki cowers into her back, making her tense.

“I...” She steels herself. “I don’t think...”

“If you do not let me near, then she will remain as she is. Unable to move and speak. So you would rather she stay that way?”

“That’s your fault!” she shot back.

“All the same,” he returned coolly. “Is that what you would prefer?”

Silence. She trembled briefly.

“It isn’t,” she replied quietly and gets up, wavering at the muffled scream Tsumiki lets out. “It’s not, but...”

He brushes past her without another word. The brainwashed pawn squirms to get away from him, but there is not much she can do.

Kamukura reaches out and undoes the gag, but covers her mouth, gripping so that she does not bite.

“Cut to the chase,” he said coldly. “There is no use in continuing your act.”

Her face is hot and wet. But even through those tear-stained eyes, he can identify the emotions swirling within those shimmering irises.

_Despair has become so drearily familiar at this point._

And yet, Nagito’s gaze had been different.

_It wasn’t despair, but it wasn’t hope. It had been—_

He leans in and murmurs words into the other’s ear that he knows will set her off. When he pulls his hand away, she immediately starts screaming.

* * *

As he predicts, she screams and screams enough damning evidence for even that stubborn Class Rep to be shaken by. Despite that, she still tries to calm the other down, even as the screaming does not cease. For now, he leaves them be since his presence aggravates both of them further. The wretched sounds are resounding, but they should be out of hearing range for the other students.

For himself, who could hear these screams from the other side of campus, it is irritating but—it does not matter. He’ll just wait until she tires out. He doubts that the beloved Class Rep will reach her. He does not doubt that she will try to reach regardless, even after she’s been inevitably bitten.

_Boring._

The sounds are dying down to hissing and sobbing. It is quieter, but still grating.

_So boring._

It doesn’t really matter. Nothing matters, except—

“Ka-mu-ku-ra-kun!”

Nagito, waving enthusiastically as he skips. With a smile for his soulmate.

“You and Class Rep were taking a while,” he chirps, tripping and stumbling only for Kamukura to catch him. Flushing, he let out a bout of breathy laughter. “So, I was sent to check up on you! That or they just got sick of looking at me. Which is understandable!”

Kamukura blinks at him. “So they were not worried about you.”

“Of course not, why would they be?” Nagito shrugs. “I’m a worthless, bothersome person after all. I’ve told you as much before. You really are unlucky, Kamukura-kun. But I’m unlucky, too.”

“...”

“So, so, how did things go, Kamukura-kun?”

“...They went as I had predicted.”

“That’s not really an answer,” Nagito said, puffing his cheeks. “Come on, be more specific! Did things go well?”

Kamukura takes his hands and holds them within his own.

“Nagito,” he said. “I can simply handle everything on my own without any assistance. That would be easier. Is that what you would prefer? Afterwards, I can take you away from all of this.”

Nagito blinks a few times and mulls it over.

“That would be...so boring... No one else would be inspired or empowered... When I said you could do amazing things, I didn’t mean everything. Things would be stagnant, in that case. Rather than work to improve itself, the world would just lay everything at your feet. That would be horrible...” He shook his head. “And, also... Well... This school... My trust in HPA itself is...pretty shattered...”

“That is for the better,” Kamukura said lowly.

“In order to study the talent of luck... They put me through a lot. They really threw me through the wringer, really. Not to mention that reserve course... That was just a horrible idea, and because of it among other things, this school became a place where that hateful girl flourished,” Nagito hummed. “After everything... I think we should discard this place entirely. It’s rotten. The symbols of hope deserve better, right, Kamukura-kun?”

Kamukura nodded. “I suppose so even if I do not care.”

“Just destroying her won’t be enough,” Nagito said. “We should destroy this place, too. And afterwards... You can put me back in whatever cage you want. That’s what I promised, after all.”

Kamukura tugged him into a secure embrace. Nagito’s thin arms wrapped around him in return.

“Hey, Kamukura-kun, if that reserve had never accepted this... Would we still be...?” Nagito quiets. “I suppose that doesn’t matter. There’s no point dwelling.” All that said, he still hesitates. “But, um, Nanami-san... Did she know...?”

“We should not concern ourselves with anyone except each other, Nagito.” He pets Nagito’s hair and kisses his crown. Nagito still shakes his head in response.

“So unfortunate,” Nagito said. “I could never care for a reserve so _impertinent_. She’s better off.”

He pulls Nagito into a hard kiss. He held him still.

“Stop talking about other people,” he said once they parted. “You’re _my_ soulmate, Nagito.”

Nagito blinks up at him. He mulls it over.

“Yes,” he said. “I am. And Kamukura-kun is mine. We’re both defective, so I guess we belong together. It’s also why we should work together. So, let’s do our best to support everyone from now on, Kamukura-kun.”

“...If that is what you wish.”

Nagito beams and kisses his cheek.

The world lit up; the screaming stopped. Nagito was positively radiant.

* * *

“Class Rep, there you are! Oh, what happened? You look as pale as a sheet!”

“Tsumiki-san, she’s...” She shakes her head, turning away as Nagito hovers. “And Pekoyama-san still needs...”

“Kamukura-kun can take over on that front,” Nagito said. “But what about Tsumiki-san?”

She won’t look at either of them, neither Nagito’s worried stare nor his own boring one.

“Something...very, very wrong, I think. She’s asleep now, but we need to check up on her later, too.” She chews on her lower lip. “You were right... We have no idea what we’re up against. I’m sorry, Komaeda-kun, I...”

“That despairing look really doesn’t suit you, Nanami-san,” Nagito said, frowning. “You’re supposed to be a symbol of hope. More than that, you’re the Class Rep. With a face like that—you’ll just throw everyone into despair.”

She shudders, and then, she smacks her cheeks.

“You’re right.” She nods firmly, pumping her fists with a pitiful act of confidence. “Thank you, Komaeda-kun.”

Nagito lights up. He looks happy.

That’s all that matters.

**_~~Mine.~~ _ **

She glances back at him uneasily. He meets her stare evenly, and she quickly jerks away.

“I was wrong about Kamukura-kun earlier, too, I can’t help but think,” she muttered, stiffly. “I apologize.”

“That still means nothing to me,” he replied.

“Kamukura-kun, you said you’d be courteous!” Nagito scolded him sternly. “That’s not a polite response even if you mean it!”

“...I apologize,” he said instead. “Pardon me.”

“Ohhh, now you’re being a bit _too_ polite...” Nagito puffs out his cheeks. “That’s troubling... What am I supposed to do?”

“Don’t worry about it,” she told him, cutting in. “It doesn’t matter anymore, Komaeda-kun. Let’s return to the others.”

“Ah.” Nagito nods. “If you say so, Class Rep. Let’s go, Kamukura-kun!”

“Very well.”

_That is that, then._

He supposes he should be relieved—but irritation remains at the way Nagito continues to smile at her. When Nagito glances at him over his shoulder, his smile is wider, in the very least.

There is emotion that swirls in his gaze in these moments. It is an emotion he cannot read but one he feels keenly, all the same.

It’s difficult to explain.

* * *

“You reeeeeeeally got some nerve for a guy made to be some shitty puppet.”

“You say that but you are not entirely displeased by this turn of events, are you?”

“I am a _little_ fucking hurt,” she huffed on the other line. “After everything we’ve been through, you go and pull this shit. You completely threw my carefully planned plans out the window, you big meanie!”

“Boring,” he sighed. “The way you lie so easily is so boring.”

“Traitor! Heartbreaker! _Homewrecker_! You’re just the _wooooorst_ , senpai!!”

He’s quiet as she sobs and sobs until those sobs break.

“Uuu...! Uuu...!!! U...hu...upupupu...” Predictably, she starts laughing, louder and louder. “Gyahaha! Oh my fucking god, I might really be in love! Hope’s Peak really made a goddamn work of art that goes above and beyond expectations!”

“You are wrong,” he said. “I am nothing of the sort. All of this...is simply due to that Ultimate Luck that you dismissed. I would not have acted in this way if not for Nagito.”

“Huuuuuuh? You’re saying that having a soulmate changes you thaaaaat much? That’s pretty ridiculous,” she cackles. “Then again, I’ve always been this way. I guess I really am hopeless, huh? Man, what a suuuuper bummer! And here I thought I finally met someone who’d be the same as me! Goddamn, looks like I’ll have to keep hoping... Pfft, pfft, as fucking if. Like I fucking care about sentimental shit like that. I can’t believe you ever thought that I did.”

Once again, he’s silent.

“I really did like you, though,” she went on. “You’re hilarious, calling me on this phone to talk to me like this.”

“It’s to relay a message, actually,” he said. “Because they all know about how you brainwashed their classmate, I was chosen to speak to you on their behalf.”

“Ohhhh? Is your little boy toy soulmate with you?”

“No, he is not. I do not care about his classmates but... Nagito is to be kept from you at all costs.”

“I see...” A cackle. “You’re pretty stubborn yourself, Kamukura-senpai. But, honestly, I still don’t give a shit about that guy. Take over a country in his name for all I care.”

_Not a country, but—one way or another, I will construct a paradise for Nagito and I. One blocked away from the rest of the world. Once all this is over..._

“The Ultimate Gamer said that she’s willing to take on any sort of challenge,” he went on. “And she’ll do anything to save her classmate and her teacher.”

She giggled at that. “Tell her she’s cute.”

“I will not.”

“Boo you whore!” Despite that, she continues to giggle. “But alright, I’m an adaptable girl. I can roll with the punches. Tell her I’ll be happy to stake everything on one little killing game. I’m _always_ in the mood for that shit.”

“Whatever.” As long as Nagito wasn’t involved, it didn’t matter. “You can discuss these matters further with her rather than drearily relying on me.”

“Yeah, I’d rather talk to a cutie like Nanami-senpai over a fucking freak like you,” she chirped. “So there’s that. Meanwhile you can go off and fuck your soulmate in a closet or something. I bet you’ve been real _antsy_ , big boy.”

_Once all this is over..._

“Here’s the real question, though, Kamukura-senpai.” Her tone grew serious. “Do you really think wretched things like you and that lucky loser can truly be happy together? Do you really think the bond of soulmates is that absolute?”

Kamukura blinks, and then his eyes fall shut.

“Well,” she went on. “I suppose it doesn’t matter what you really think. That bond was enough to earn your loyalty, after all. Well, good luck, I guess. Pfft. Tell that cutie Class Rep that I’ll be waiting for her call~!”

“Very well.”

With that, he hangs up. He stares at the phone for a while, and flips it shut.

_It doesn’t matter anymore._

Even in color, the sky is still so dreary and overcast. With that, everything else has been set into motion.

* * *

He doesn’t speak to the others. He just silently hands over Tsumiki’s phone to Nanami Chiaki. She will not look at him even as he backs away. The rest of her class is content to ignore him, even as he is cast the occasional suspicious glance. It does not matter. What matters is that Nagito clings to his arm, smiling brightly up at him, and that he, too, distances himself from his class.

Thus, there is an opportunity to pull him away from all of it. Nagito allows it.

“I want to see the sky when it clears,” Nagito says as they walk together down the hallway. “I hear that the blue of it is very vibrant.”

“Perhaps it is,” he said.

Nagito smiles up at him.

“...are you going to abduct me now, Kamukura-kun?”

Nagito pulls away, or he would have, had it not been for Kamukura gripping his wrist.

“I didn’t even get a chance to say goodbye,” Nagito murmurs. “And there was so much more we could have done for them...” He sighs lamentingly. “But I suppose this is better than what could’ve happened...”

Kamukura cups his face and kisses him softly. Nagito exhales as they part and smiles sadly.

“I... This isn’t how I imagined I would lose my life...” His gaze lowers. “But... Even with the circumstances... I can’t deny that seeing you has made the world so much more beautiful. And so much crueler. That’s poetic, isn’t it?”

For a moment, Kamukura’s gaze flickers to the faded bruise on Nagito’s neck. Then, the look on his face. That smile that didn’t reach his eyes.

_In a world with color, it looks...all the duller._

“I have not truly owned nor desired anything until I met you,” Kamukura said. “For that reason, I want to make you mine absolutely. To keep you locked away forever so that you never slip through my fingers. I want us both to be in a paradise where we only have one another, where all we have to concern ourselves with is one another...”

“I see,” Nagito said. “Kamukura-kun, you really are rather childish.”

“Perhaps these desires are childish. It cannot be helped.” He brushes Nagito’s hair back, playing idly with the soft strands. “I just want to protect what’s mine... That way, you’ll never be lost...”

Nagito’s empty smile twitches.

“Regardless of how you feel towards yourself,” Kamukura said. “You are precious to me, Nagito.”

Just like that, the smile falls to pieces.

“Ah...ha...is that...so...how long have I...wanted to hear someone say those words...” Nagito’s breath catches, he shudders, and then, he slumps against Kamukura’s chest, swallowing as Kamukura’s arms encircle him. He gasps, and then, “So long... So...so long... And to have it be someone like Kamukura-kun, someone who... Mm...”

“Well,” he adds. “We are soulmates, after all.”

“You’re a terrible soulmate to have,” Nagito mutters almost sullenly. “But I’m terrible, too. Still... Good luck...or bad luck... I’m just not sure which it is.”

“Good luck,” Kamukura said.

“Bad luck,” Nagito returned. “I’m sure of it. But, all that said... I did still promise... But, hey, Kamukura-kun... Can we stay like this a little longer?” He presses up against him, squeezing. “Please? _Please_?”

_...can wretched beings like us truly be happy...?_

He runs his fingers through Nagito’s hair, stroking the back of his skull and nape.

“...Nagito. Are you still afraid of me?”

_I know the answer already, but I just..._

“Do I scare you, Kamukura-kun?” Nagito asked, blinking up at him innocently.

“...ah.”

Kamukura blinked once. Twice. He tilts his head, making a face.

Nagito snorted, pulling back.

“You look so _surprised_ ,” he said. “I guess you don’t know what to say. Well, to answer your question... I’ve been through a lot, Kamukura-kun. You know that. You dug through my information, after all. Compared to those other things I’ve been through, well... You’re not scarier than a serial killer, I can tell you that much. You definitely have your scary moments, though.”

He twirls around on his heel.

“Above all else,” he went on. “I pity you, Kamukura-kun.”

_...pity._

“I see.” Kamukura’s lips pull into a straight line. “Nagito, you are quite...peculiar.”

Nagito simply laughs. “Better than boring, I suppose.”

“But that doesn’t change anything,” Kamukura said.

“Yeah?”

“You’re still my soulmate.”

“Yeah?”

“You’re still mine.”

“Yeah.” Nagito shuts his eyes, giving a cheerful smile. “And you’re mine, Kamukura-kun.”

“I...” He nods, swallowing. “Yes.”

Nagito giggles at that. He reaches out and offers his hand. Kamukura takes it without hesitation, and Nagito entwines their fingers together.

“You’re pitiful, childish, and quite scary at times,” he says. “But you’re my soulmate. And for that reason, you’ll protect me and be loyal just to me. Right?”

“Right.” He kisses Nagito’s fingers. “Yes, that is right.”

Nagito brightens.

“Well, shall we get going then? The others are going to wonder about us after a while, you know.” Nagito’s fingers tighten around his. “How do you think things will go for them? Hope? Despair? It’s exciting, isn’t it?”

 _It isn’t. I’ve already predicted how things will go. It doesn’t matter, as long as Nagito is alright._ _Regardless of what darkness may transpire, as long as Nagito’s light remains... The world is vivid and bright. But..._

“Did you not want to stay for a while, Nagito?”

_Nagito may never feel the same._

Nagito stiffens, but he relaxes as Kamukura pulls him in.

_Can we really be happy?_

“Let’s stay for a while, Nagito.”

“I... Okay. Kamukura-kun.”

_It doesn’t matter._

In this moment, holding Nagito close, nuzzling into Nagito’s neck and warmth, he could pretend that nothing else mattered all he wished.

“Nagito... I love you.”

Nagito swallowed.

“...Kamukura-kun... I...”

“It’s okay.”

“...”

“It’ll be okay, Nagito.”

Nagito was pressed up against the wall.

“I love you.”

Nagito shook as he was kissed, deeply and intensely, the sensations evoking soft sounds as hands roamed on his body.

“A-Ah... Aha... Kamukura-kun...”

Nagito presses back into his soulmate’s touch.

“K-Kamukura-kun...” Nagito gets in one last breath, blinking up at him with pale gray-greens that shimmered and swirled. “Aha... You really have such beautiful eyes.”

Kamukura once again sees his reflection in that gaze, the image distorting and opalescent. A jagged smile pulls at Nagito’s lips, a helpless blush blossoming in his cheeks.

“I never had a chance. Everyone... Class Rep... I’m so—”

Kamukura silences him.

_Nothing else matters. Nothing except this, **except us.**_

**_This is how it’s meant to be._ **


End file.
